Back when I was barefoot running, rather than reward myself with food, I tried to make a conscious effort to treat myself with non-consumables instead. I was trimming down, so I bought myself some nice shirts to look as good as I was feeling.
Why shirts? I am as susceptible as any to occasional bouts of vanity, though, I guess if you can be distracted mid-sentence by seeing yourself in a mirror, you might be defined as perhaps more susceptible, and "occasional" might not be the best word choice either.
This is not a recent development either. I have vague recollections of being so distraught by not being able to find my regular shoes once as a child, that I skipped school rather than wear the snow boots that I was being forced to wear. Apparently, my youthful vanity won out even over my love of swimming, because, if I remember correctly, we were taking a field trip to the swim center that day.
For those who attend class with me who are wondering now if I practice in the front row to satisfy my vanity, the answer is, "no." No, I practice in the front row, because in the second or third row, without my glasses on, I am just a fuzzy blur in the mirror. Seeing myself clearly helps me with my postures. Smiling at myself in the mirror, and seeing the sunshine through the windows reflected in my eyes is just an added benefit.
Yesterday was all family, which was wonderful, but just like at the end of the standing series, I wanted to take a moment to honor myself and my accomplishment today.
Following in the pattern of my running success, the first thing I did was shop for a new shirt. I was looking for something to button up, but opted for a simple black V-neck shirt instead. The slimming effect, on top of my already considerable change in body composition, looks great. Later, I would run the purchase past more experienced (feminine) eyes in order to make sure it passed muster, and my purchase made the grade.
Pro tip for guys: Never trust your own judgement when it comes to fashion. Run any clothing and accessory purchases past a woman with experience and good taste. E.g. most of my best wardrobe items have been gifts from my sisters, all of whom are very qualified to make such judgements. Also, my new (fabulous) fedora was picked out my my cousins Alison and Lindsey at Saturday Market when they were in town visiting back in March, and I couldn't be happier with it.
Then I stopped in at Powell's Books to pick myself up a copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, after which I took myself to lunch at Roxy's Island Grill, which you may remember from an earlier post, but I really can not say enough good things about that place. Sitting alone in the late morning sun at Roxy's, reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and eating Hawaiian food was a little slice of the divine today.
After lunch I treated myself to my first ever professional massage, which was kind of amazing. I had been sitting on a gift card, and honoring myself and my accomplishment was just the occasion to finally use it. I am not entirely sure that I didn't fall asleep, it was so relaxing. So relaxing that I didn't even think about the fact that I was covered in a thin veneer of massage oil which I should have rinsed off before going to afternoon yoga.
That is right, I went to afternoon yoga today. Morning yoga too. Today was my thirty-first day of doubles, and I don't see any reason to quit now. More on that.
If you ever want to play a practical joke on yourself, cover yourself in massage oil, and then try to do ninety minutes of yoga. Some of my very serious attempts at the postures were just comical, and I could not help but just laugh through wind removing pose. At least my laughter entertained some of my other classmates.
A combination of the massage oil on my feet, trying to stand in a puddle of my sweat, while seemingly holding triangle pose for what seemed like half again as long, nearly ended my streak of doing every second of every set of triangle pose. I managed to stay in the posture, but only just barely.
The other streak I have going is a bit of an achievement. For five classes now I have again been able to attempt every set of every posture without sitting out any sets. It had been quite awhile since I had been able to say that, but I am serious when I say that I am getting stronger and building my practice up again.
Amy gave some very good advice about taking a break in her guest blog post, and it is something I most certainly would do if I had come to the end of the thirty days hurting or feeling broken down. This endeavor has been about treating myself, and I mean that in more ways than one.
On the one hand it was about treating myself, as in treating myself well, respecting myself, and honoring myself and my physical health. On the other hand, as I touched on in my initial post and in others, this has also been about treating myself mentally for my depression.
I can say that I have felt joy these last several days, that things have been looking up again. Through the entirety of this initial endeavor, I can say that there was not a day that went by that the instructors and other students didn't make my laugh or smile. I honestly feel loved.
Feeling loved is not a foreign feeling for me, and I hope that I have conveyed how much love there is in my family and in the support they give me, but I honestly did not expect to find love in yoga practice. For those that have asked what the most surprising thing I found in my experience in the last thirty days, it was love.
My depression over the month, though I could feel it pull, and I teetered on both sides of the precipice, was not nearly as bad as in times past, and these last few days I have begun to feel the burden of depression lift again from my shoulders. I will live my life with depression, but this month, through yoga, I was able to live my life with depression.
I wasn't perfect, but that was never the point.
Physically, the changes have been tremendous. I find it difficult to put into words the changes that this month has brought to me physically. It is easy to throw out a number and say that I lost 10.4 pounds, but that number means very little. Because I stayed so far ahead of my hydration, I can say that I am likely carrying perhaps even a little more water weight than when I started, and my instructors and classmates can attest to the muscle that I have gained over the last month, in addition to how I have slimmed down. My clothes fit loosely, having dropped a couple of pant sizes, and I have gone down from a hard earned XXL in my shirt size, to a comfortable XL.
At the end of February, when I had lost fifteen pounds just by changing my diet, I bought a couple of pairs of jeans. They were the first 'regular fit' jeans I had ever worn, as previously I had worn exclusively relaxed fit jeans. Just two months later the slim fitting jeans are now baggy again.
I would buy new jeans, but I think I will hold off a little longer, because I am not quite finished yet.
I mentioned earlier that I am not quitting. Instead, having accomplished my initial goal of thirty days, I am going to raise the bar just a little bit higher. I did the math awhile back and found out that it is exactly 100 days from when I started on April 1st until my birthday on July 9th. How could I ignore such a coincidence?
So, if you are willing to follow my chronicle just a little bit longer, this blog is now going to be about my quest to complete 100 consecutive days of doubles. In just two days, I will already be a third of the way done with my new goal, so it is certainly achievable. I am not going to break myself or hurt myself to do this, and I am going to continue to listen closely to what my body tells me, but I am excited to see what further transformation I can achieve by my birthday this year.
So, yeah, I am still crazy, but I guess that's me.
Namaste.
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